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lafferjm wrote:
Ultimate Dev'r wrote:
This topic is missing something...

Yes I agree, what happened to foamys taco bell joke.

Kerm deleted it

10 ways to annoy your waitor...

10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip
8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"
7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimal wage"
6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"
5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"
3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.
2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"
1. Three words: Eat Your Check.
holy necropost..

but good jokes
The Less You Know, The More You Make

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates"

1. Knowledge is Power
2.Time is Money

As every egineer knows:
Power=Work/Time

Since:
Knowledge=Power
Time=Money

It follows that:
Knowledge=Work/Money

Solving for Money, we get:
Money=Work/Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know, the more you make.
You've Been Programming too long when:

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D..."

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for omitting the else clause.

When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

When you look for your car keys using "grepkeys/dev/pockets"

When after fooling around all day with routers etc., you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than the postal one.

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

especcially the the 0th one
Car Trouble

There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a computer engineer.

Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified ad getting blocked somewhere.

Then the computer engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work!?"
Car Trouble

There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a computer scientist.

Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified ad getting blocked somewhere.

Then the computer scientist, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work!?"

Fixed.
I'm ashamed how many of the computer ones apply to me. At one point I got so used to using my tablet PC that I tried to ctrl-z a blackboard and look in the bottom-right corner of a piece of paper for the time.
A woman shoots her husband. Then she hold him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

The woman was a photographer.
A man walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a gun, and the man walks away happily. Why?

The man had the hiccups. The gun scared him, and the hiccups went away.
Hehe, those are both excellent. Would you mind editing your posts in the future to combine sequential posts, though?
k
k
Thanks. I'm enjoying the jokes though, so keep 'em coming.
Jokes I found, you guys might appreciate it more since we are a programming community:(especially you guys who DON'T use Windows. ;D)

Great Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

The more you know -

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.

2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money

It follows that: Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know,the more you make.
The second one was already posted, but the first is pretty lulzy...

That actually brings up a question: Can I write my own error messages for Windows 7? I want the title to say "Great Scott!" whenever something bad happens...
There used to be a program called Resource Editor that definitely would let you track down wherever the error message strings are stored and customize them, probably in some language/localization file somewhere. Both were funny; thanks for sharing.
Rather long, so I'll just post the link here..
http://chickenphilosophy.pen.io/

My favorite of those is probably Hemingway.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

This.

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

There are much much stranger ways in which a dream can alert you to nerdiness.

I was once dreaming that I was on-board the Daedalus (Stargate) and after a little while we were attacked. I went to the bridge to see what was up and was informed that we were under attack from an Ewok fleet seeking revenge on humanity for the destruction of Endor by the Death Star. My next thought was "I must be dreaming. This can't be real because Endor wasn't destroyed, and Ewoks certainly don't have spaceships."

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